Kiss Me
by octoberland
Summary: Inspired by the leaked extended kissing scene in the New Moon movie that takes place right after the birthday party. Rating for sexual content and dark subject matter. Now with alternate happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know, I know. I already have three WIP's so what the heck am I doing? Well did any of you see the leaked clip of the extended kissing scene that happens right after the birthday party? I did and I couldn't get it out of my head. I needed to do something with it and this is what I came up with. I only intend for there to be one more chapter. This picks up on the car ride home after the party and deviates from there. I have to warn you that it is very dark and angsty. While it does have sexual content it is not erotic by nature and you will see what I mean when you read it. Keep in mind this is New Moon we are talking about here.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys like it. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think of it.**

**Special wave to Mara. :) This is the one-shot I was telling you about.**

**And the deepest of gratitude to my beta Aleeab4u. I owe you and adore you.**

**Oh and Stephenie Meyer owns everything and I thank the powers that be every day that she lets us play with her wonderful characters.**

The ride home was swift and silent, and for once my heart wasn't racing because Edward was touching me but rather it was racing because he wasn't touching me. I was _afraid. _Not afraid _of _him mind you but afraid of what the events of the night meant, what the repercussions would be, because there are always repercussions. Every action has a reaction and right now Edward's was the silent treatment. I worried that he was mad at me; that I would never be allowed near the Cullen residence again. And I feared something much worse something that constantly ate away all reasonable thought, something I could not allow myself to consider for it was _impossible _and _improbable. _It had to be. We reached my house without so much as a glance from him.

We stood next to my truck that was parked on the street across from my house. We were facing each other, each of us trying to figure out what to say, how to end this difficult and emotional evening. I didn't know about him but I knew exactly how I wanted it to end.

I looked at him trying to gauge his mood, assess whether or not he would be receptive to my request. His face was a blank slate. It eerily reminded me of the mask he wore around humans he wanted nothing to do with, the cold facade that seemed to say _you are insignificant to me_. But I didn't care. Desperation was something I was used to feeling around Edward and I'd long ago thrown my dignity out the window when it came to him.

"It's still my birthday." I declare. "Can I ask one thing?" I pause for a beat and then ask for the thing I need to feel like everything is okay. "Kiss me." My voice breaks and trails off into a whisper.

His facade crumbles before my eyes and he leans in to grant me my request. His face deteriorates into such a grimace of pain that I briefly wonder if this is something he really doesn't want to do. Or perhaps this is what it is like for him every time he kisses me and he's only just now letting me see it.

But then his lips are on mine and all coherent thought slips away.

EPOV

_Damn it. Damn it all to hell. _I'd made my decision during the car ride here. This could be no more. I could no longer jeopardize her life with my very existence. It should have been easy. Why couldn't she be like any other girl? Any other girl would have had fear crawling up her spine being in such close quarters with me while my emotions raged within me. My face was a blank slate but the air around me was practically crackling with my anger. But Bella was no normal girl. She stood next to her truck and dared to ask me for a kiss.

I let the mask drop. Why bother with it when our time together was now finite thanks to something as simple as a paper cut? But the anger wasn't the only thing I let her see. I let her see the need in me. I let it roll off of me in waves so much so that when I pulled her to me she gasped in surprise. I kissed her in ways I had never before allowed myself to, opening my mouth to her and pulling her close when usually I was the one pulling away.

I groaned and she whimpered as the kiss ended but neither of us could let go. I felt my body immediately gravitate back towards hers and likewise hers to mine. If this was going to be the last time, if I would never see her again after tonight did I not have the right to claim her? Of course I did. I would take her. I would take the very thing from her she had been offering from nearly the beginning and forever shape the destiny of her memories. I said I was a selfish creature and I meant it.

I leaned in again, this time wrapping both of my hands around the back of her neck and continued my assault on her lips. They would be sore come morning but at least I would have been the last one to cause her pain. I didn't even bother chiding her for grabbing my coat with her injured arm. I trailed my kisses down her throat, that divine and treacherous column of bone and flesh that was meant to protect the life flowing within her. A life that I valued above my own.

When I got to the buttons of her shirt I began to undo them slowly one by one until finally sanity caught up with her and she pulled back. I was having none of that.

I pulled her back to me easily, stifling her words with my mouth and continued to open her shirt right there on the night-darkened street. I reached the midway point, the point where I could feel her bra and hesitated only a moment before sliding the back of my hand over one small mound. She gasped into my mouth and pressed her body to mine and I uttered another guttural moan and turned my hand so I could hold her breast firmly in my palm.

"Wait…Edward…" She mumbled while trying to pull away from me. I didn't bother to hide my look of annoyance.

"I just…I thought…you didn't want to." She continued breathlessly.

"I changed my mind." No emotion. It was a fact and it was all she needed to know.

I saw her trying to process what I was saying. She had always been a clever girl, and I knew if I let her think too long she'd be on to me. I had to keep her from thinking. But I also knew I couldn't just take her here in the street. So where? Not her house; not my house. My mind flew through a variety of options, none of them appealing, until I recalled a log cabin I had come across about 15 miles north of Forks. In the summer it was rented out to tourists, but this time of year tourists were sparse and I was fairly certain we could have the place to ourselves. I picked her up without a word and tossed her almost carelessly onto my back before running into the surrounding woods.

It didn't take long to get there. Bella had been silent the whole way and remained so even when I set her down on the deck of the cabin before the wide double glass doors. It was an easy thing for me to break the lock. A simple turn of the wrist and the door was open. I ushered her inside to the darkened room. To the left was the bed and to the right a small open kitchen. I guided her with a hand placed on the back of her neck to the bedside and turned her to face me.

She looked at me. Innocent, scared, lips parted, heart beating loudly. Deep inside I knew it wasn't supposed to be like this, it was never supposed to be like this, but it had to be. I couldn't leave without knowing her, I couldn't leave with the knowledge that some other man would stake that claim. Only I could do that.

I continued where I left off, unbuttoning her shirt. I moved at a human pace, neither rushed with desire nor slow and sensual. It was simply a means to an end and Bella stood there silently while I did so, almost as if in shock. I pushed her shirt and coat off her shoulders revealing more of her skin than I had ever seen before. In this dim light with a sliver of the moon's glow shining in through the glass doors her skin looked almost as pale as mine. For a brief moment an image of her as one of our kind flashed through my mind but I angrily pushed it away.

My anger seeped into my hands and I hastily tore her bra from her body and my body instantly reacted to the sight before me. I wasn't supposed to enjoy this or take pleasure from it. I knew I would be making no special effort to give her any so why should I feel it? But I did. My body betrayed the calculations of my mind and I locked my mouth to Bella's once more while again grabbing her breast only this time skin was on skin. Cold marble sliding easily against soft warmth and she moaned into my mouth and melted against me, all reservations about our situation slipping away with each caress.

My fingers memorized the curve of her, the heft and weight in my hand, the feel of her skin as it changed from softness to the ridged edges at the center that tightened under my thumb making her gasp. I growled despite my effort to stay focused. This was what the man in me had always wanted and what the animal in me most feared. To lose control, to hurt her. But hadn't she already been hurt? The bandages on her arm were a harsh reminder of that.

I was thinking too much. I needed to focus. I removed the rest of her clothes in an almost clinical fashion and chose not to breathe when I was bent next to the place I would soon invade.

I stood before her waiting, without uttering a single word. She was embarrassed. I could tell by the flush across her skin and the way she dangled her arms in front of her, but to her credit she never broke eye contact with me. She studied me, wondering what was supposed to happen next and when I made no move she seemed to understand.

She stepped forward and raised her trembling hands to the top button of my shirt and undid it slowly. Not in an attempt to be seductive but rather because she was nervous and unsure. I didn't need to read her mind to know that a thousand thoughts were rattling around her head like pieces of a puzzle trying to come together in a windstorm.

While she undid my shirt I slipped my jacket off my shoulders and bunched my fists at my side. My eyes were closed tight not daring to take in the naked form of the woman I adored standing before me, undressing me, thinking we were about to make love.

As my skin was revealed to her, she ran her fingers along it tentatively, testing my reaction which for the moment I was able to keep in check. But when my shirt finally hung open I felt her nose run along the middle of my chest inhaling deeply and then she placed a soft kiss there while her hands encircled my waist.

_No!_

It had felt good. Too good. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her mouth away from me and finally dared to look down at her. Hunger had replaced the fear and uncertainty previously residing in her eyes, and while we stared at each other her tiny hands reached back to the front of my pants and began pulling at the clasp keeping them closed.

I let her. This was what I had wanted, wasn't it? I had rationalized with myself that if I allowed her to undress me then it would mean she was a willing participant. I would be forcing nothing on her. So I let her pull the clasp apart and edge the zipper down slowly which in turn caused her thumb and forefinger to inadvertently run down the hard length of my traitorous desire for her. I groaned and squeezed her shoulders tightly until I heard her whimper.

I pushed her hands away and shed the rest of my clothing myself until we both stood nude before each other but neither of us looked anywhere except in each others' eyes. She was breathing faster and I could smell the faintest hint of her body preparing itself for me.

"Lie down." I indicated, pointing at the bed.

She did as I said, never once looking back at me, instead simply staring at the ceiling waiting for whatever I would do next. I was living up to my self-inflicted monstrosity. Here was the only creature I had ever truly loved laying herself before me in perfect trust and in giving her what she wanted I would in actuality be taking everything away. And why? Because of a birthday gone wrong? Because everything about us flew in the face of the natural order of things? This was no Garden of Eden. The lion and lamb could not lay with each other without bloodshed. Not in this world. Not in my world. No. I would take this with me because it would be the only thing that would allow me to keep a tenuous grasp on sanity while I wasted away into eternity.

I touched myself once, trying to prepare myself for what I was about to feel but I knew it wasn't even close. Still, my body reeled at my touch. Such a simple thing that I had hardly ever allowed myself to indulge in. Because I knew that to do so, since being with Bella, would mean that each caress would chip away at my self control until I could no longer resist her and I was terrified of what would happen once passion was let loose. No. It was better this way. This wasn't about passion. It wasn't about physical release of any sort. It was goodbye.

I climbed onto the bed and knelt above her, my legs on either side of her. She still did not look at me. I was at a loss, torn between worshipping her body the way it so richly deserved and taking her violently and quickly so that I could flee and never be seen again.

BPOV

I felt him above me, but I dared not look. I was scared. I didn't know what was happening. The logical part of me that was buried beneath my conflicting emotions knew that it wasn't supposed to be this way. But it's what I wanted, wasn't it? I didn't dare protest because I knew at any moment he could change his mind and I might never get this chance again.

I knew he wouldn't kill me. I'd always known it even if he didn't. Maybe this was just his way of ensuring that. Maybe he thought if he distanced himself it would be safer that way and if that's what he needed I wouldn't argue.

I felt him spread my legs and place his knees between mine. His cool fingers ran slowly up the insides of my thighs until they rested at the place where my legs connected to the rest of my body. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I so badly wanted him to touch me. I couldn't help it. Despite the strangeness of the situation my body still wanted what it always wanted around him and that was his touch and never had his touch been so close to the place I longed to feel it. How many nights had I imagined those beautiful hands with their long talented fingers caressing me? How many times had I wished I were those ivory keys beneath him when he played his piano?

But it seemed I would not get my wish tonight because instead of touching me he held onto my hips and lifted me gently and placed himself at my entrance. I looked at him and he looked at me. No emotion. Still no emotion and that scared me more than anything. But before I had time to think on it further he slid into me and that look of anguish spread across his face again and his eyes snapped shut.

It hurt. I screwed my eyes shut and stifled a groan. My hands trembled as I clutched the sheets. I felt full. So full. I tried to relax my muscles as I took deep breaths and returned my gaze to the ceiling. A memory of my pelvic exam flashed through my mind and I half expected to see a poster on the ceiling of some sort of waterfall or peaceful snow capped mountain. And like that time I repeated a mantra in my head over and over again. _You can do this. You can do this. You can do this._

Finally I felt him move within me, drawing himself out slowly. I felt him tremble and a sound almost like a whimper escaped him. But I still didn't look. He pushed back in and my hands fisted in the sheets beneath me. There was no friction. He slid in easily, smoothly. It was just the girth of him filling me that was uncomfortable. I tried to adjust myself but he had a firm hold on my hips which were lifted completely off the bed.

I took deep breaths and closed my eyes trying to discern some sort of pleasure out of all this discomfort. I realized that I had tensed all of my muscles so I slowly tried relaxing them one by one and that's when I felt the first stirrings of something other than pain.

EPOV

I lifted her hips to meet mine, not daring to brace myself atop her for fear of forgetting myself and laying my full weight upon her. To be sure her hips would be bruised but that was nothing compared to what I was capable of doing to her.

The feeling. God the feeling. Even in my distanced state there was nothing in the world that compared to this. It was heaven and hell wrapped in one and I found myself quickly losing the battle of trying to remain stoic and aloof throughout this and not enjoy it. Because I was enjoying it. And so was Bella. I felt her trying to move, trying to press herself this way and that to see what would feel best but she couldn't get very far with the way I was holding her. I finally dared to look at her.

Her eyes were closed and her lips were parted, her jaw working as little sounds began to escape her in accordance with the pleasure replacing the pain. Her fists were clenching and unclenching in the sheets and she looked so damn beautiful. I sped up and briefly allowed myself to feel my own pleasure. I shut out everything around me and focused on the feeling of being in her. I looked down at the place we were connected, marveling at how such a thing could possibly be. I sped my movements and I could feel every nuance of every muscle inside of her twitching and molding itself to me. I wanted to touch her. To feel the soft center of her swell and blossom beneath my fingers as she reached the heights of bliss.

The part of me that wanted to be her lover, to be the man she so clearly believed me to be, wanted nothing more than to take away her pain. To ravish her to the point of ecstasy till she could no longer think clearly, till every ounce of fear and terror she'd been subjected to since knowing me was exorcised from her. That day in the field when James' coven showed up, having to lie to her father in the most hurtful way, lying bloodied and battered in the hospital because of what had happened in the ballet studio…

"NO!" I shouted and leapt back from her. I huddled naked in the corner with my back against the wall while my shoulders trembled with dry heaves, the tears I could no longer shed driving me that much further into despair.

"No." I whispered, ashamed of myself.

I heard her shift on the bed, pulling the stale sheets around her, and I knew at any moment she would rise and try to comfort me.

BPOV

I had no idea what had just happened. Was he about to lose control? Is that why he pushed himself away? He was crouched in the corner shaking like a leaf and I felt remorse. Me and my stupid human hormones. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I wrapped a sheet around me and shifted to my knees with the intention of going to him.

He looked up swiftly, his face contorted in pain. "Don't." he pleaded.

"Edward." My voice came out soft, placating.

"I have to leave, Bella."

I assumed as much. Maybe I was bleeding. Maybe the smell is what had tipped him over the edge.

"Okay." I muttered. "I'm sorry."

EPOV

She didn't understand. That was clear to me right away. If she knew what I meant she would never so readily agree to it.

"You don't understand Bella." I said, rising. I quickly donned my clothes, faster than her human eyes could perceive, and stood by the glass doors. "I'm leaving _you_." I emphasized.

"You won't see me again." I said coldly before flinging myself out into the night.

BPOV

"Wait? What…?" My voice trailed off in disbelief. But he was already gone. My greatest fear had just manifested itself in what should have been an occasion to celebrate and cherish. My love…my life…gone.

"No." I whispered.

I stumbled from the bed, the sheets twisting beneath my feet as I made my way to the glass doors and flung them open. He was nowhere to be found. The cold glow of the moon revealed an empty stretch of road, a road I didn't know.

I felt the panic rising. My heart thundered in my chest in an ever increasing rhythm until it felt like it would burst. I was near hyperventilating when the tears started to flow.

"No." I sputtered.

I crumpled to the floor, barely of mind enough to keep the sheet wrapped around me. I sat there crying, immobile, until my face was smeared with salty tears and snot that I wiped away with the sheets. No wonder he didn't want me. I was a mess. I wasn't even good enough to be seen safely home. Instead I was abandoned in a cabin in the woods and suddenly condemned to a life I could no longer fathom. But without him there was no life. He had just killed me. I simply needed to complete the process.

A strange sort of calm fell over me once I realized what I was going to do, what had to be done. I went to the kitchen on shaky feet and searched the utensil drawer. I found a fillet knife, something I'd grown accustomed to using on the fish Charlie brought home, and decided it would likely work well as it was very sharp and intended for removing skin and bones. I walked back to the bed and lay down facing the now closed front doors and took one last look outside but there was nothing there. Only the dark outline of trees and the empty deck.

It was strange, how calm I felt while holding the knife to my wrist. I'd never done anything like this before, never even thought anything like this before, but I knew it was the right thing to do. A planet cannot live without life to sustain it. I could either die slowly by degrees in an imitation of life or I could choose to end it here and now in the last place I had known him. I chose to end it here, wrapped in his sweet scent and stinging words.

I held the knife at different angles against my wrist. Up? Down? Across? Should I just stab myself with it? If only I had poison like Juliet. I wasn't brave enough for a dagger to the heart.

I tentatively slid the blade across my wrist but only felt an odd sort of tickling sensation. I could see no cut and there was no blood so I did it again, deeper this time. Still no blood. I did it again, applying more pressure and this time I felt a stinging that made me wince. But there was blood. It dotted along the seams of the cut, a liquid promise to the end of pain. I knew I had to act quickly. With my luck I'd faint from the smell before I was able to complete my task. So I cut myself again and again in quick succession until my tears and my blood were flowing in unison and the hole in my chest felt further and further away.

EPOV

I sped through the forest, my feet barely touching the ground in my haste. _Away, away, away, _was all I could think and yet I knew it would never be far enough. She was my siren forever singing my song and yet it wasn't my life that was in jeopardy, it was hers. Her life was forfeit in my presence and that was the only thought that could possibly keep me away.

I was angry. So angry. Angry at the universe, angry at God, at Carlisle for changing me, at James and every other threat that had crossed Bella's path since knowing me, and most of all angry at myself. For being weak, for not being able to do the right thing and stay away from her, for loving her and _allowing _her to love me.

I stopped running and took my anger out at the forest around me shredding trees till they were nothing more than splinters, pounding boulders until they were dust. I screamed rousing the sleeping birds to flight and then I drained every animal I could find that hadn't been smart enough to flee at my arrival. I couldn't stand to hear a single living thing near me because every heartbeat made me think of her.

I fell onto all fours and pawed at the earth beneath me tearing out great clumps of soil wishing that I could tire, that I could bury myself right there in the ground. I wondered how long it would take for me to slip into a torpor, if that was even possible for our kind.

I envied the living more than ever in that moment. I envied their ability to love without boundaries, to feel warmth and tenderness without fearing that death would come of it. I envied their tears and the countless hours of escape that sleep afforded them. I envied their lives. The simple act of a normal life. To be born, to love, to create, to die and to return to heaven. A cycle mandated by the laws of God and nature that I had somehow been left out of.

I tried not to think of the girl I'd just left behind, the only good thing to ever come from my existence. My soul, my life, my heart were all caged within a living breathing human who'd entrusted me with her life, a life that I continually failed to protect.

_It's better this way_, I thought, but the words were like acid on my tongue. I argued with myself as I slumped against a tree stump in defeat.

_Go to her._

_No._

_You love her._

_It doesn't matter._

_She loves you._

_And look what it's got her? Broken bones, blood, the bite of a vampire who toyed with her like a cat would a mouse before devouring it. And now? Tonight…_

I looked up at the heavens mourning all that I had lost. I had granted myself a sliver of hope by being with Bella and it was a mistake. A mistake I wouldn't make again. Yet even as I had that thought I couldn't help but wonder if at this very moment she was gazing at the moon just as I was.

_No! _I closed my eyes trying to blank out all thoughts of her.

But I couldn't. Her scent was all over me, coating me in memories. Memories of her reluctance to attend her own birthday party, memories of gifts and smiles until they were shattered by a little slip of paper on skin. Memories of the car ride home with no words spoken. I remembered the hopeful look in her eyes while we stood next to her truck and the surprise she felt when I touched her intimately for the first time.

Intimate. It should have been a special thing but I'd ruined it. Her memories would forever be of an incomplete act laced with tears and anger. And I just left her there. Alone. I, who prided myself on being a gentleman, left a woman alone without any knowledge of where she was or any way of getting home.

I had to go back.

I walked slowly prolonging the inevitable. I didn't want to go back. I was afraid I wouldn't have the strength to truly leave her; one look at her could be enough to do me in and lay her bare and vulnerable to the next tragedy and I was sure there would be one. Her life was constantly threatened all because of my selfishness, my desire to live and to love a fragile human girl when I existed in a world of monsters. I wanted her to live; to live and to marry and raise a family and have all of the things I couldn't give her. She couldn't do that with me around.

It took me over an hour to reach the cabin, and as I edged closer to the clearing around it the wind shifted and I was assaulted with the potent scent of her blood. It was strong. Stronger than it should have been from me breaking her maidenhead earlier when I'd taken her. Something was very, very wrong.

Within seconds I stood in the doorway and there before me lay Bella's pale and still form. She was on her side, facing me. A knife dangled limply in one hand while the other was covered in blood. It was caked on her forearm in layers upon layers and stained the sheets beneath her. The air was permeated with the rusty floral scent of her lifeblood.

_What have I done?_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second part of this story. What I've decided to do is what I did for my story Release. There will be two endings. So if you don't like this one there is going to be one more. A 'happier' one.**

**This story, of course, has received very little attention. Seems to be a trend with my work. However, as usual, the attention it has received has been wonderful. Quality over quantity.**

**Special thanks to my beta Aleeab4u. Her help and support is invaluable even beyond the confines of ffnet. You know what I mean my dear and it means so much to me. **

**For those of you that have reviewed and alerted and favorited this story, thank you. Sarita I owe you. A number of people found me because of you and that kind of support means so much. I promise I haven't forgotten about leaving you a review. **

**Speaking of that Sarita wrote a story you guys should go read. For Without You, I Would Be Nothing by Saritadreaming. New Moon one-shot. Sad and beautiful and sensual all in one.**

**I tried to reply to all of the reviews but I think I forgot some so for that I apologize. Annatwo, BettyBarchetta, Edward's Eternal, lisa-alice-cullen, SandytheSandstorm, Louise. Thank you all. If I missed anyone please don't take it personally. I appreciate each and every one of you.**

**On an aside, as some of you may know, I've been working on an article about why people hate Twilight. It finally got published and the link for it is on my profile in case you feel like reading it. I have also decided I am going to do a follow up article called In Defense Of Twilight so you all have a second chance to fill out my questionnaire if you want. It's in my stories under the title "Help".**

**Long ass A/N. Sorry! Please leave a review and thanks for reading.**

Within seconds I stood in the doorway and there before me lay Bella's pale and still form. She was on her side, facing me. A knife dangled limply in one hand while the other was covered in blood. It was caked on her forearm in layers upon layers and stained the sheets beneath her. The air was permeated with the rusty floral scent of her lifeblood.

_What have I done?_

In an instant I was at her side searching her body for signs of life despite my preternatural senses telling me what I already knew. _No. No. No. No. _

It couldn't be true.

I laid my head over her heart listening for the one thing that grounded me, that kept me tethered to this earth.

Nothing.

I pressed my fingers to the pulse point on her neck, the place I'd so often tortured myself with the scent of her blood.

Nothing.

I lay my cheek against her slackened jaw and cold blue lips searching for even the faintest puff of breath.

Nothing.

And lastly I looked into her eyes, her brown eyes that had seen so deeply into my soul. And I knew now that I had one. I knew it because it had resided in this pale and beautiful creature and now it was gone.

I screamed long and hard, my head lifted up toward the ceiling but in my mind it was the sky I saw, the shining stars and the cold dead moon and I realized that's what I was, a cold dead moon circling an empty space.

I'd always been afraid of this; afraid that she would die because of me but never had I thought it would be like this. _This._ This was the worst of my sins, the worst crime I could have ever committed. Of all of the lives I have ever taken this is the only one that truly mattered.

My fingers dug into the mattress as I leaned over her. My dry eyes were a harsh reminder of the monster that I am, that even in my most desperate hour God would not grant me a single tear.

I cradled her to me and it was like a new kind of pain when I didn't think there could be one any worse. The electricity that normally bound us together keened and wailed in the absence of its spark, the living flesh of Bella that was the fuel to our fire. It hurt to touch her in ways it never had when she was alive.

It felt like this was some sort of imposter instead of myBella. Her cooling skin was soft and pliable and her limbs were weak and heavy with death. All I could think was that she should be cold and _hard_ and heavy with _strength,_ and not this decaying corpse lying limp in my arms.

I knew then what I had to do, the only thing I could do, the only thing I wanted to do and I had to act quickly before anyone caught on, before Alice sees, before Charlie begins to worry in earnest, before the wolves pick up the scent of her blood. I would be spending eternity with Bella. Just not the way I had thought it would be.

I picked her up and ran us from that place that should have been a memory in her mind years from now. I could see it clearly. An older Bella, her skin a little less smooth, the first hints of grey hair, hips widened from giving birth to the children scattering around her. She'd think back on these days and wonder if it all wasn't just some sort of dream, something her creative mind had imagined, that perhaps she had seen what she wanted to see. And if she ever got close to the truth, ever started to really wonder, her husband and children and the chores of everyday life would distract her from being able to give it any real thought. She would be happy.

She would have been happy. She should have been happy. But she wasn't.

She wasn't anything anymore.

I reached the cliff face quickly, far more quickly than it had taken to get to the cabin. I was still north so there were no Quileute lines to cross.

This isn't what I wanted, isn't what I had fantasized about back in the forest but it would have to do. It was the only way to ensure I couldn't be tracked, that _we _couldn't be tracked.

I held my siren in my arms while I looked down at the blackened sea listening to the waves crashing against the rocks. It seems we had both been called to our deaths.

I kissed her forehead one last time, my lips lingering on her flaccid skin as my face broke out in an anguished incomplete sob. At least there would be enough tears in the ocean to last us forever.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I love you."

And then we were under the water.

I swam. I swam and I swam until we reached the point where the shelf floor dipped down sharply hundreds of miles. I swam us to the very bottom and when I got there I buried us in the sand. I lay myself atop her knowing that my weight would keep her anchored there. Even in death I needed to control her, to control our fate. I couldn't bear the thought of what would have happened to her had I let the authorities find her.

I hoped that eventually I would grow so weak with hunger that I would slip into the closest thing I could to death with my angel wrapped beneath me in blood stained sheets and the swishing of the tides as our lullaby.

"_Just asleep, her soul immortal,  
Dwelling now beyond life's woes,  
Finds from care and pain and sorrow  
Sweet and undisturbed repose._

_As a dream when one awaketh,  
As a tale when it is told;  
Thus its flight the spirit taketh,  
Dust returns to earthly mold."_

_Not Dead, But Sleeping_

_Clara M. Brooks_

_1911_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Quick, scatterbrained, completely not thorough a/n because it's 5:30am. But I really wanted to get this to you guys because you deserve it. This is the last chapter. The happy ending. I hope you like it. And I hope you can forgive me if I don't do shout-outs right now because I really should go to bed. Just know that I appreciate your reviews and alerts and favorites. There haven't been many for this story but those of you that do like it really get it and that makes me happy. Yes, I'm evil. I like making you cry. Okay not really but I do like invoking emotion and this story certainly seemed to do that. I got some rather heated and unhappy reviews for the last chapter but I'm okay with that. It actually kind of amused me and in a weird way still made me feel like I achieved something. I mean think about it. I obviously made them feel something if they got so riled that they felt they needed to leave a negative review.**

**Anyway…this chapter has not been beta approved because poor Aleea is still having computer issues. So any and all mistakes are my own.**

**Please leave a review? And as always thank you for reading. **

_Within seconds I stood in the doorway and there before me lay Bella's pale and still form. She was on her side, facing me. A knife dangled limply in one hand while the other was covered in blood. It was caked on her forearm in layers upon layers and stained the sheets beneath her. The air was permeated with the rusty floral scent of her lifeblood._

_What have I done?_

I was at her side in the span of a second, shaking her and hissing her name.

"Bella!"

"Bella!" I cried while trying to rouse her. I tossed the offending knife she held clear across the room and heard it clattering across the linoleum of the kitchen floor but much more importantly I heard the soft butterfly whisperings of Bella's heartbeat and that could only mean one thing. She was alive and that knowledge was like warm blood flowing through my veins making me whole and giving me hope like only she can.

I carried her limp body into the bathroom thankful for the skylight that allowed the bright rays of the moon to illuminate us and I was once more struck by just how beautiful she would be as one of us. If we made it through this night I would no longer deny her. I couldn't lose her. I knew that now and if killing her was what I had to do to keep her then I would do it.

I placed her in the white porcelain tub and began to run the water as warm as I dared to. I raised her injured arm above her head and quickly shred my shirt into long strips that I then tied tightly around her wrist. I could tell from the dark color of the blood that she had only managed to sever some veins and that she had likely passed out before she was able to do any more damage.

"Bella." I spoke softly while patting some water onto her cheeks and then cradling her face in my hands.

"Bella, love. Please come back to me."

She began to stir. Eyes closed, brows creasing slightly, and a tiny whimper escaping her lips.

"That's it, love. Wake up."

"_No…_" she muttered in a barely audible voice.

"Sweetheart, I'm here. Wake up. Please."

"_You're not here. You left._"

I choked back a dry sob and my head bowed involuntarily.

"Bella please." I begged. "I'm here. I love you. I'll always love you."

Suddenly she thrashed.

"No! You don't love me! You left!"

One tiny fist reached out and hit me while at the same time she backed as far into the corner of the tub as she could. Her eyes were still closed but tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"_You left me. You left me. You left me" _She kept repeating to herself.

"I did. And I'll never do it again."

"_Everything was a lie. I knew it._" Finally she looked at me and her eyes were both an accusation and surrender all at once. "_I knew it was too good to be true. I knew you didn't really want me._"

Her tears began in earnest trailing salty tracks down her cheeks to drip off her quivering chin.

"_Why?_" she asked, looking away and down into the water which I had finally shut off. "_Why would you do something like that to someone?_"

Why indeed? She thought I didn't love her, that I'd never loved her. How on Earth could I ever fix this?

I could see her color returning and hear that her heart and breathing were regulating so I deduced it was safe enough to remove her from the water. I scooped her up sans wet sheet and quickly wrapped her in the terry robe that had been hanging on the back of the door and carried her back to the bed. I tried to ignore the blood stained mattress. It wasn't that it made me hunger. It broke me to look at it, made me feel as if I were made of lead and weighted down by sin. I covered her with the remaining blankets and brought her a glass of water, begging her to drink.

"Leave me alone." She said. Her voice was stronger. Hoarse, but stronger.

"No." I said simply.

She turned her back to me.

"I'm not leaving." I told her.

Silence.

I gave up on the water and crawled into bed behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't flinch. There was one sharp intake of breath and then she settled into quiet little sobs occasionally punctuated by a small keening sound. I rocked her and shushed her until she quieted and finally fell into a restful slumber.

While my angel slept I took in every nuance of her like it was the very first time. I memorized every strand of hair, every pore of her skin, the way her ear curved, the steady pulse in her neck, the feel of my body molded to hers.

I knew I couldn't live without her so it had been stupid of me to think that she could have lived without me. I was just so sure that no human could love as strongly as my kind but then again Bella was no ordinary human. I had been blinding myself. I wanted her to be ordinary. I wanted an ordinary life for her. I wanted her to have all the things I could never have. Like so many other times in our relationship I had forced my ideals and beliefs on her not giving a second thought as to whether or not that was what she wanted.

No more. I would give her whatever she wanted, do whatever she wanted. And if it turned out that she truly did want me to leave then I would. I would go to the Volturi and let death claim me as it should have all those years ago.

She cried in her sleep off and on throughout the night and when she did I would hold her tighter and whisper to her telling her how much I loved her and that everything would be okay and in my mind I was begging for that to be true. _Please. Please, God. Please let this be okay. Please._

At one point she actually got up and waved me off as I tried to rise with her. I decided now was not a time to push her. She needed to come to terms with what happened on her own. And I needed to give her that space even if it went against every instinct in my body.

She drank some of the water I'd set on the nightstand and she spent some time in the bathroom. I could hear the water running and her splashing it on her face. I could picture her staring into the mirror, red, puffy eyes staring back. She walked on weak legs into the room and returned to her previous position with me spooned against her.

I idly wondered in the back of my mind what was going on in the rest of the world. Was Charlie panicking? Calling a search party for his only child? I was sure that Bella's mother would think we had eloped. If only…

And where was Alice? Did she not see any of this? It was all a very clear decision on my part so how could she not have? She must have seen something, something that didn't end badly otherwise she would have been here by now. That thought gave me a sliver of comfort.

Finally, as the first grey light of dawn seeped into the room Bella turned towards me and groggily woke. She said nothing and simply buried her face in my undershirt, curling herself into me. I kissed her forehead, ran my hands through her messy hair, held her tightly and told her again and again that I loved her.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I said, pulling back to look at her. She looked so tiny, so frail, but most importantly alive. So very, very alive.

"I don't know." She answered meekly. "Why everything?" she said while gazing at her bandaged wrist.

I could guess at the thousand things she probably couldn't understand right now.

"Why did I take you to the meadow that day?"

She gave a miniscule nod.

"Why did I tell you I love you?"

I didn't wait for her to answer.

"Why did I leave you?" I paused. "And why am I here now?"

She looked at me, her eyes plaintive and searching.

"Because I am so much more when I am with you Bella. More human. More alive."

"What is that?" she gasped, her eyes wide.

My head snapped up looking and listening.

_It's only me Edward. _My sister's voice floated into my mind, distant but there. _Jasper's with me. It was the only way. The only way she'd believe. We'll leave in the next 30 seconds, I promise._

I didn't care. I had to seize the opportunity. Knowing that Jasper was transmitting whatever I felt I turned my eyes on Bella allowing her to see and feel the full force of my intense feelings for her. The love, the desire, the jealousy and protectiveness, my fear and ultimately the bond I felt to her that tied everything together in one string of destiny. I pictured it coiled between us and let her see the reverence I had for her.

I found myself touching her. I couldn't help it. The electricity that danced between us was begging to be released and I hadn't the strength to deny it any longer. I ran my fingers lightly over her lips before claiming them with my own. Softly at first, pouring my love into that kiss. Gentle, not for fear of hurting her but because she deserved that after what I'd done to her.

I knew now that we had all the time in the world.

"I didn't know." She whispered against my lips.

"Edward…" her voice trailed off as she lifted her face to mine and kissed me back.

My name on her lips was the key that unlocked the door.

I slid her robe open and brushed it off her shoulders running my hands along the soft warm skin of her. Our kisses remained unhurried. They were declarations of love, promises of devotion and eternity.

I cradled her neck in my hand thankful for the even pulse beneath my thumb. I stroked it, my fingers like a ghost on her skin and then dragged my hand languidly down to cup her breast. She arched and made a small noise of approval into my mouth. Nothing needed to be said. We both knew what was about to happen, what we were about to share.

I caressed her softly and she responded perfectly. My mate, my love, my life.

I let my hand drift lower and teased her, awakening her, opening her to me like a flower.

She drew in a deep breath and tried to wrap her arms tightly around me but flinched at the pressure against her wounds.

"Here, love." I said as I gently removed her arms. "You'll need to lie still." I whispered.

I carefully removed the rest of the robe from her and laid her back down. I discarded my own shirt and leaned back down to her aligning myself to her side so I could watch her, beautiful and bare and mine.

"Now, where were we?" I smirked before placing my mouth on hers and my fingers to her petal soft nether lips, stroking her, coaxing the nectar that would grant me passage to the temple that was her.

Her body undulated beneath me and her breath came quicker, in time with her ever increasing heartbeat. Little whimpers of pleasure escaped her and I didn't need to look to know that her skin was flushed red. I could feel the heat emanating from her, the fire to my cold. I could feel her muscles tightening and her hips twitching and I knew that it was time.

I pulled back so I could remove my clothes. Her eyes were heavy lidded, unfocused, pupils dilated, and just as I'd thought her face was flushed and her lips were deep crimson from our kissing.

I positioned myself at her entrance, holding myself up on my forearms that surrounded her like a cage so that our faces were mere inches apart. She nodded her assent and I entered her, just the tip of me filling her, our eyes never breaking contact.

I didn't push all the way in. I needed this to be perfect. For her. So instead I returned my hand to the seat of her pleasure, fondling her until her eyes were begging me for what we both so desperately needed.

I leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"That's it my beautiful girl." I said as I slid deeper inside her but still not all the way. I kissed the point just under her ear that she loved so much. Even as I worked her I kept my movements slow and deliberate. I wanted both of us to feel every second of this, to etch it into our memories and engrave it in our souls.

She cried out and brought her legs up so that they were bent at the knees and her feet were planted next to my hips which opened her further to me. This was it. It was time. She held her breath and buried her face in my shoulder and when I felt her careening over that edge I sheathed myself within her.

She screamed and rocked her hips in time with my own riding out wave after wave of her orgasm.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." She chanted over and over again.

I grunted, straining. The feeling of her around me, beneath me, it was like nothing I could ever have imagined. Last night was a pale mockery in comparison.

"Yes." I whispered, "Yes."

I changed my rhythm to long deep strokes and pressed my lips to hers once more. She moaned and panted and it was so hard to rein myself in. I was speeding towards my own release, my muscles coiled tight like a spring, but it wasn't gratification of the flesh I sought. It was the absolution and forgiveness that would come from it. The meeting of soul and body, of two made one.

She continued to meet me thrust for thrust and I angled myself just so and felt her body react instantaneously. Our eyes locked seeking a different permission this time and again she nodded her assent.

I placed one hand at her backside pulling her body flush to mine and I sped my movements in an effort to bring her to a second climax. It didn't take long for her to get there and in the few short seconds before she succumbed to the will of our bodies I buried my hand in her hair and cradled her head.

"I love you." I said in a voice strained with desire being let loose.

"Always." She whispered, a single tear sliding out of the corner of her eye and then she tumbled over and gave into the moment, baring her neck to me.

I spilled into her the instant my teeth sank into the soft skin of her neck and I couldn't help the possessive growl that escaped me. She was mine in ever way now. She would be mine in every way.

Always…

Forever.

**A/N: Some people have asked me if there will be a sequel to this story. I honestly hadn't thought about it so I've put up a poll on my profile. So go vote and let me know what YOU want. :)**


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